Grumpy (but I know it)...

 

In less than two weeks I turn 40. I've always told people 'its just a number!'...

Two weeks previously I had a breast enlargement. I read / researched / armed myself with all the info and thought I 'had it covered!'...

Mmm.... Well I don't want to turn 40 - I don't like it and the boobs... Even after everything I read - after 6 days - you'll hate them, after 6 weeks - you'll like them and after 6 months - you'll love them... What I didn't think about was two weeks of no sleep due to the discomfort (not pain - not horrible pain but hideous discomfort).

So to say that I'm grumpy is an understatement and broke - because believe me the only thing to do when you can't sleep night after lonely night is shop!

I might not be able to try on the clothes (hyper sensitivity - thank you!) but boy do I have some rather fab new clothes (let's hope they fit...).

 

Posted with Blogsy

Approaching 40...

 

At the start of the year - I thought this is the year I'll be 40 and it didn't bother me, or so I thought...

Intinally I thought big party - yay!! But then I started to to think, I started to take stock of where I was (metaphorically) and actually I wasn't as happy I thought and...in different ways than I'd ever have expected.

There fore in the last month I have topped up my Botox, filled in the (smokers - that's the actual known name whether you smoked or not - dad!) lines and in 2 days time I get my hair highlighted and in 4 days get new (actually some) boobs. So for someone who thought they were pretty much ok with their lot when I sat and took the time to think - actaully I wasn't quite so.

I have also had another tattoo (and planning a new one to be unveiled in the summer), thought about my 'professional' future, made new friends, startd to draw again but mostly and rather selfishly I've done stuff for myself (which isn't a bad thing, it's not really selfish and sometimes it's just what we need to do).

 

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The Boob Journey...

... I've thought many times about why I should or shouldn't write about the fact that in 3 weeks time I am having a breast augmentation / a breast enlargement / new boobs.

Its no-ones business, it doesn't concern anyone else - their thoughts or feelings but I have read other  peoples stories online and they ave given an insight / strength / information / they been very useful and so I'm adding my two penneth to the pot...

Its two fold -
1. I struggle my body image and food. I eat. I am healthy but I don't quite what others see.
2. I never had boobs pre-pregnancy. I didn't miss them, it didn't bother me. During pregnancy I got them! and wow - although these boobs gave our son food (and much needed as he unfortunately had meningitis and there fore the only thing I could was give him food to boost his immune system -but thats another story...) but anyway - I got boobs - pretty good boobs.

 After I stopped breastfeeding  - I missed them - I did the whole 'chicken fillet thing' and boy! is that uncomfortable. I read about women who used said uncomfortable things due to cancer and I felt humbled and for a while I shut on the 'I want boobs'.

But 3 1/2 years later I can't do it any more - I don't want to feel the way I do and so I am changing it - for me and me only.

I'm booked in 5th November - I'm scared, well nervous.

But hey! I gave birth (my water birth and 6 hour discharge changed to a 7 day stay at the Homerton and then I left without my baby - so not easy), I have 'botox' (another thing I thought I'd never do) and I've had tattoos. All of these things are deemed painful / unpleasant  but the end results - for me - have been more than worth it and so I continue to count down  - The boob journey...